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But Artists Are Supposed to Paint When They're Miserable
I have had a studio
at Hunters Point Shipyard since 1984. It was quite a year for me, starting
with a dynamite New Year's Eve party. Renting my space at the Navy Yard
was a highlight. The shipyard was in flux. Renovating space for artists'
studios as well as for small business incubation was a new idea just taking
off.
Four graduates of the
California Culinary Academy had taken over the Navy kitchen in my building
and made it into San Francisco's only timeshare kitchen - a distinction
it retains. When the kitchen expanded into a second building I was asked
to paint a mural on one wall.
It was great weather
in which to work - autumn. San Francisco fog was in retreat. Autumn is our
summer. The sky was blue. The doors were open. I mixed paint on the loading
dock just off the kitchen. The view was spectacular. Immediately downhill
were two of the three largest drydocks on the West Coast. Beyond that, bright
deep blue water with indigo highlights. Further away, the East Bay hills.
Above the hills, the top cone of Mt. Diablo and a fine, clear sky. I was
a happy camper.
One of the chefs was
teaching me to match colors of paint by drizzling a newly tinted test sample
into a wet sample from a previous batch. When you can't tell the old from
the new, it's a match. I'd never done this. I don't usually match colors.
If I'm out of one and I need more, I eyeball it, ballpark it, or use some
other means of approximation. Two colors almost the same give richness to
what I usually do. But this was different. A commission. The chefs wanted
each part of the mural to look like the others. One of them said,
insightfully,
"We learn to make one hundred desserts, or salads, or whatever just like
the rest. I think it influences our preferences in art."
It was alright with
me. I liked the work. Sitting on the loading dock, I was learning a new
technique, feeling the warm sun on my back, enjoying life. As I matched
paint I said something about how good I felt. My chef friend who was teaching
me to match color was dismayed. He moved back as though I'd literally shocked
him. "But artists are supposed to paint when they're miserable! You're not
supposed to paint when you're happy!"
Because his astonishment
was genuine, I didn't mind it. My first thought was of Lord Kenneth Clark's
remark in Civilisation about the Romantic Movement in the nineteenth century,
"Of which we are the nearly bankrupt heirs." No cold garret for me! Cold
San Francisco flat, yes! But no garret. No solitary walks along the headlands
in a black cape for me! My black cape is red and purple inside. I embroidered
it with abstract imagery and a quotation from Chaucer's Pardoner's Tale.
"Well, I paint when I'm happy," I told him. "When I'm sad, I cry."
Since then, I've gone
on painting and crying, though not at the same time. My chef friend has
become a psychiatrist. The timeshare kitchen continues to send fragrances
of cooking out into the air of the shipyard. Food cooked in the shipyard
goes to all parts of the City from gourmet restaurants at the tops of
highrises to Meals on Wheels, bringing food to people who have a difficult
time cooking or getting out. And I've painted three more murals.
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